5. Cognitive Approaches
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
The cognitive approach is where the veritable potpourri of pop and psuedo-psychology dwells. Everyone with a personal answer, insight or realization is free to pass along that information in hope of helping others. There is little substantive change in “approaches” from various sources, as all essentially come down to offering insights and rationales to explain the possible problem or source of the problem itself. The best of these sources offer some possible courses of action (behavioral strategies), though it mostly remains fixed in the level of thought and reasoning. While it is true that a problem discovered is two-thirds defeated, it is the last third of making serious changes that is essential, for it is the very skill that is lacking in the anger management patient. Nevertheless, the cognitive approach can be quite effective, particularly with subjects demonstrating the willingness to delve deep and examine their thinking with an open thought and a willingness to change.
Most cognitive approaches take the form of Question and Answer, easily adaptable to journaling, self help, and work with a counselor or mental health professional. To “cognize” (recognize or become aware) of the anger belief, one must first accept that he/she is angry. In the film "Anger Management" with Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson portrays the situation of a man who has suppressed his anger so much that he is no longer aware of being angry. He is also incapable of making a commitment, decisions or standing up for himself. His denial of his anger has seeped into all areas of his life and caused him to suppress all emotion in fear of erupting. The tragedy (portrayed comically) is that the expert spends the entire film just trying to make the subject aware of his own anger. While anyone seeking help for anger management must be undoubtedly aware of their anger at some level, the interesting point is the portrayal of potential “side effects” that a client may or may not want to look at in their own life.
For those who aren’t sure whether or not they have an anger problem, Bill DeFoore, Ph.D. offers some indicators in Anger, Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You (1991).
- When you get angry, you don’t get over it. Anger either simmers until it explodes, or continues even after the explosion, fueling justification, blaming and seething anger inside.
- You never get angry. You just don’t seem to have the emotion, even when you know you should be angry.
- You feel frustrated, disappointed or irritable much of the time.
- You are sarcastic or cynical about yourself, others or the world around you. Your teasing may be barbs in the form of “jokes,” and you may not understand when others “don’t get” your humor or “can’t take a joke.”
- You may be depressed frequently and for long periods of time. (This is an indication of not expressing anger openly, but taking it out on yourself). Suicidal thoughts, frequent illnesses or self-destructive behavior can accompany your depression.
- You feel angry all the time and find yourself lashing out verbally, emotionally or even physically at others, even when you don’t want to or mean to.
- You feel powerless in your own life and powerless to make changes or reach goals. Even if you don’t use the word “victim,” it is how you often feel. Usually you have very reasonable explanations as to why you can’t succeed or accomplish your goals, hopes and dreams.
While none of these is considered an ironclad guarantee of an anger problem (with the exception of number six), a “yes” or even a conditional “yes” to any of them would suggest at least exploring your relationship with anger. Most mental health specialists, subscribe to the Frequency, Intensity, and Duration gauge to determine anger problems. There is no set formula given, however, and the only universal overlay appears to be whether or not the anger is disruptive or interfering with “normal” activity of self or others to whom the anger is expressed. For instance, a job suspension or firing or canceling of normal social engagements would certainly indicate a problem. For spouses, family members or others, the emotional reaction to excessive anger might be depression, anxiety, bed-wetting (in children) or similar problems. While Frequency is not specifically defined, authors agree that daily, weekly or even monthly “explosions” would indicate a problem. Note that each component is interrelated, and if the frequency is only twice a year, but involves hours-long rages with destruction and abuse, then the indication is that the anger is present much more frequently and only expressed at distant intervals when it has built into uncontrollable proportions. Conversely, a very frequent disruption of a few times a week involving thirty seconds of intense anger over a trivial matter such as waiting in line or misplacing car-keys is akin to a boiler releasing just enough steam to keep from exploding. Certainly, frequency/intensity/duration is a judgment based on its effect on the person and those around him/her. Used in context with DeFoore’s seven questions, a fairly accurate picture should emerge.
Any effective cognitive program must 1) identify the true sources of anger, and 2) change the pattern (thinking or belief) from which anger springs. Note the emphasis on the true sources of anger. Usually the actual expressions of anger manifest over issues or relationships that are serving merely as symbols or surrogates and in some way touch upon the true sources of anger. In The Dance of Anger (1985), Lerner states, “The challenge of anger is at the heart of our struggle to achieve intimacy, self-esteem and joy.” This interesting assertion would suggest that right at the heart of the anger reflex lies not only the belief that needs to be reformed, but also the desire for reforming it. If our desire is intimacy, joy, and self-esteem, it is the anger that has risen to protect those qualities, and in defense of those qualities as a means of self-preservation, and it is also anger that prevents us from actually attaining those qualities or conditions in our lives.
So to identify the true sources of anger, we must usually start with “what” we are angry at and work from there. “Is this anger legitimate? Is this anger meaningful? Do I have a right to be angry?” After a careful look at each of these questions and a truthful contemplation of their answers, one may be ready to discern, “What am I really angry about?” An argument issue that begins with, “Who shall we spend the holidays with?” may in fact be an issue about “Who is in control?” or “Who loves enough to give in to the other?” or “Who is stronger?” Without a doubt, it is mostly these psuedo-issues that will first appear as the subjects begin to be cognizant their anger feelings.
It is important to realize that anger, as a protective device that has been strongly reinforced over a long period of time, wants to be left alone. It does not want to be looked at. Whether defined as a mistaken belief, a spiritual misapprehension or something else, it is a belief that was put in place to protect, however mistakenly, a person’s sense of themselves. It offers security, safety and protection sorts, and usually will not yield willingly. One must concede, especially within the cognizant model, that there is a risk of uncovering some very real trauma or psychological disturbances that are best left in the hands of a mental health professional. No fewer than six of the bibliographical references contain a cautionary note at some point about the potential for uncovering trauma and unleashing extreme emotional memories. Acupressurists and acupuncturists operate somewhat on the same principle of alternative blocking or releasing energy fields to either free or disperse energy patterns. An unconscious or unexpected “stumbling onto” a previously blocked memory can release a wave of energy as the senses tend to respond to the information the brain is giving as though the event is actually occurring. Here are a few possible reactions.
- Nausea and possible vomiting. It may be both a reaction to the memory event as well as a symbolic purging of emotion.
- Dissociation from current reality and possibly from current identity. Depending on the type and level of trauma, the individual may temporarily retreat from themselves and the world around them, become confused, frightened or non-responsive in general.
- Self-destructive thought and behavior. Especially prevalent with victims of extreme physical or sexual abuse.
- Paralysis in fear. This occurs when the uncovery frightens the subject into emotional retreat.
Numbers two and three can be extremely serious, and require the delicacy and training of a mental health professional. For the most part, these situations can be avoided if the anger management clients are screened to prevent anyone with a known history of personality disorder or of physical/sexual abuse from entering an “anger management program.” Anger linked to those types of traumas and events require a level of therapy beyond that of the skills outlined in anger management treatment practices. The following points of inquiry and observation can be used as a self question and answer exercise or adapted for discussion and exercise with a counselor: Observe, Discern Patterns, Gather Data.
Observe your relationships and your patterns of anger management (however ineffectual they are). Do you start with silence? With accusation? Are there tears and yelling? Clarify the Patterns of the relationship dynamics of your anger problems. Be aware and beware of accusing or self-justifying. Gather Data from this objectified research. Look at the outcomes of your choices and actions and determine whether or not they are effective or satisfying to you. Honestly assess your goals.
Is your intention to “win” or to “gain control?” Or do you have the courage to allow everyone their freedom of choice? Do you have the courage to live with the consequences? This particular item is cited frequently in cases of spousal anger, and often has at its base an abandonment issue. Even bosses or children who try to exert an excessive amount of influence on others’ decisions usually have fears and concerns about being left out, left behind, abandoned or somehow cut off from others.
Inquiry. We should ask questions of other people to gain additional perspectives on the situation, and to compare these findings against our own feelings. Serious inquiry involves staying open and listening, no matter what we discover. If necessary, we can make agreements with ourselves to only ask the question and to record whatever information we receive, without engaging in conversation that might lead us to argue our own point of view or justification. The value of inquiry is that things may not be as they seem, or as we perceive them to be. We may be misconceive, misinterpreting or simply not considering alternative possibilities about particular situations.