Practice Unconditional Acceptance
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
Ellis, in Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings and Behaviors, (2001) proposes that the literal “practice” of unconditional self-acceptance and the acceptance of others is key to overcoming much of what ails us emotionally. It is the conditional acceptance of ourselves and others, Ellis asserts, that leads to potentially damaging and at least non-productive behaviors. If our acceptance of ourselves is conditional to a certain body weight, a certain income, a certain career, then we have created a scenario for potential anger feelings and destructive behaviors like aggressive work-a-holism and other self-destructive behaviors. If we have a certain conditional expectation of a relationship, we have limited both ourselves, and our partner in the free expression of discovery. In a workplace environment such expectations and conditions inevitably lead to anxiety producing stress or excessive, controlling behaviors.
The “practicing” of developing such unconditional acceptance seems to be based, essentially, on gratitude; gratitude for the day, for what we have, for our health, our partner, employment, family, capabilities… Whatever degree these things manifest for ourselves, the goal is to practice gratitude for these things in whatever state we find them. Certainly, one can work to improve any of the conditions or qualities of our lives, but to yearn for what isn’t present in the moment leads us out of the gratitude and acknowledgment of what “is” in the moment. A metaphor is that of a carpenter without a particular size screwdriver who neglects and agonizes in lament over the proper tool, when another may work effectively, if not the most efficiently.