Prayer
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
Prayer is the act of talking to God. The exact form of prayer can take many different shapes. Prayer can be a plea for help (petition), an affirmation of God’s control and dominion over all things human, or an expression of gratitude. Each of these types of prayer can provide comfort, support and strength to those yielding to a belief in a higher, infinite power. The prayer of the plaintiff can be likened to a little child’s call for help. Feelings of frustration and powerlessness are removed by the sense that we never had any real power of our own to begin with, and that all is being guided, directed and shaped by the all powerful father. An affirmation of God’s dominion reinforces the conviction that the real decisions of importance in our lives involve the “how” and not the “what” of human activity. An expression of gratitude both affirms our acknowledgment of the good we have experienced as well as an earnest expectation to receive more.
Though each form of prayer has its purpose and place, it is important to recognize that each requires a yielding of individual ego to something higher. Even purely psychological approaches with no religious basis recognize that anger management can only come through a change of thought, which allows another perspective to be considered. In the case of religious prayer, the thought basis moves from that of the self, the little ego, to that of a child, reflection, servant or creation of one perfect ego. In any event, sincere prayer accomplishes the goals of superseding the “I” beliefs that make anger and rage possible.
The general belief behind Christian prayer is that we should emulate and follow the teachings and leadings of Jesus, the Christ, by consciously communing with God. Jesus himself practiced much tolerance and turning the other cheek during his ministry, reflecting the patience of a father who loves and forgives all. In Matthew 18:22-23, we read, “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” (King James Version). This strikes to the heart of rage, but also opens the door for a great misunderstanding and failure—especially when prayer is being used or considered in anger management—for the directive, alone and without mature understanding, might lead to the levels of subdued anger spoken of previously; a subdued anger that eventually becomes both lethal and explosive. “Passivity leads to extinction,” (Ellis, 1993). This extinction can be correctly extrapolated to include the extinction of a proper sense of self and of insuring one’s own spiritual survival. The mere recitation of words or an action taken without understanding is akin to asking grade school children to solve a calculus problem. The basics are there, but practical understanding is beyond their reach. The problem will certainly not be solved correctly.
Taken within the context of all of Christ’s teachings, the impetus for this directive is based in the conviction that we are all of one brotherhood and that we should love our neighbors as ourselves. This correlates to the secular views of anger management that insist that it is an insular, and therefore irrational, belief system that provokes the primitive anger response. That is, an “I” self-preservation system that sees others as the enemy and threat to survival. A Christian theologian would argue that this is precisely the case, and that very “I” is a false sense of self that must die for one to be born again in Christ (become conscious of the brotherhood of man governed by God).
An interesting key to the effectiveness and compatibility of prayer in anger management treatment lies in the concept of who or what God is. If God is metaphorically presented and accepted as a parent figure, then the nature of one’s parent-child experience may distinctly color that prayerful perception. Is God a benevolent loving parent, infinitely patient and forgiving? Or is God a vengeful, “tough-love” kind of parent? Many people believe that God is a benevolent dictator, an enlightened despot who doles out rewards and punishment based on some varying, unfathomable point system. This ideology is a mirror of the world they see around them; seemingly uncaring bosses or corporations that reward some and ignore others, a constant stream of rules and directives to follow without any clear-cut understanding as to why.
Whatever sense of God is in place, it seems distinctly apparent that in order for prayer to be an effective anger management asset, the nature of God must be assumed to be both compassionate and forgiving. Most faith-based programs premise their work on the belief that God is Love (1 John 4:8, 16), unconditional and all good. However, if one’s client relies on his or her religious faith, it is necessary to understand the basis of that faith in order to be alerted either to the potential support or antagonism likely to be encountered. As with the anger addiction itself, if the core of the religious belief is conflicted or uncertain, or if the God of one’s faith bestows a punishment/reward system, then there is the possibility of encountering a core spiritual belief that permits or even necessitates the anger behavior.
As a final point, one should note that the broadly accepted “Lord’s Prayer” is familiar to all Christians, and provides a point of entry for the practitioner as a particular religious article that has resonance with even the secular world. The passage, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” illustrates the nature and import of forgiveness. While the Christian meditation might include reflection upon sins or transgressions (such as anger) in prayerful petition to God, the concept of forgiveness, or at least acceptance and tolerance of others, is cited by many as a key to overcoming anger. While we can assume responsibility for wrongdoing, we can be comforted by the promise of forgiveness and acceptance by God. In emulation of Him, we hold the potential to forgive others of real or perceived wrongs against us.
The importance of religion and prayer lies in the client’s acknowledging “wrong” thinking and action while holding a promise of healing, forgiveness and redemption. If God is Love, all-powerful, and all forgiving, then even the bleakest human situations often become tolerable. And, far from having to rely on merely their own strength, willpower or commitment, which has undoubtedly failed them in the past, they find assurance and comfort in the belief that they might draw upon or petition a greater power of good. It is the prayer that acknowledges Good, and God as the highest power that tends to promote healing and rehabilitation efforts.