The "Own Your Anger" Or "Anger is Good" Doctrines
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
There are several books currently in publication, mostly written by and specifically for women and promote “the benefits of anger.” These books are aimed at women who have suppressed anger issues, and it promotes the recognition and acceptance of that anger as a healthy change, especially in gender issues and relationships.
Understandably, the approach to awakening those who suppress anger is much different than the approach to managing the expression of anger for those who cannot control their aggression. Also, because there are and have been societal issues discouraging the female expression of anger, books like The Anger Advantage (2003) by Deborah Cox, Ph.D., Karen Bruckner, M.A., L.P.C., Sally Stabb, Ph.D., take a particular notice of a number of behavior patterns that are not addressed elsewhere, such as the influence of others in bypassing, negating or undermining our anger. For instance, “I know you’re hurt…” as in being told that you are disappointed when you are angry, or “You’ll ruin everything!” or some such verbage to promote the sacrifice of addressing legitimate anger issues in order to preserve the order of the status quo.
The approach, however, remains essentially cognizant, relying on the anecdotal recounts of specific testimonies to illustrate a general category of particularly feminine anger issues in relationships. The exercises and strategies, particularly on active listening and “tabling” emotion during an argument, are instructive, but definitely limited in scope to a particular audience with a particular issue. Attempts to use this course of action with anger-addicted males would be potentially disastrous.
One particular skill that reaches across the boundaries is that of “active engagement “ or “total listening” (see Behavioral Approaches). Similar to a Buddhist technique, and skills proposed elsewhere, this involves silencing the inner dialogue and reaching out with all levels of understanding, “listening with your whole body,” as one describes it, to hear the communication being delivered. Obviously, this is not meant to be used when one is being subjected to abuse and anger, but rather when one begins to feel the anger impulse at what is being said. Any comments made by the listener should be for clarification purposes only. The information should be “cataloged” either mentally or on paper to be reviewed when the initial emotional reaction has well subsided.