Spiritual Parenting
(This is an excerpt from University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org, please feel free to visit the school website)
The task of spiritual development is expanding our awareness of discovering who we really are, connecting consciously to a spiritual life by developing interpersonal sensitivity and creating an environment conducive to spiritual experiences. How you live your life helps your child develop a set of values with which to view the world. This is a great gift of the soul.
Hart continues in his book, The Secret Spiritual World Of Children (2003), “Our children do not belong to us; they belong to their own soul and calling. Parents are the host and guide for children to enter and explore the world.” Spiritual parents come in all forms such as teachers, relatives, friends and neighbors. Spiritual friends are role models, listeners, nurturers, and mirrors in which children can find their own reflection, providing a spiritual day to day relationship to the uniqueness of their soul. Our job is to support, inspire, affirm, respect and value their inner life.
Hart writes, “Wonder is one way we connect with the pulse of spirit… These moments shape the way a child sees and understands the world, and they often form a core of his or her spiritual identity, morality, and mission in life… Following our bliss means to follow those feelings of wholeness that arrive through the heart of wonder.” Invite children to find their own source using imagination as a gateway, suggesting an angel, or wise healing protector to connect to. Ask questions such as: “Is there a place that you can see in your mind that feels safe?” “Imagine someone who would be able to help you with this problem, what would this person do?” “What might the angels advise you to do?”
Parents can create an atmosphere that supports children in discovering who they are, such as freedom to play and pursue their own interests, freedom to experiment to make choices and mistakes, and freedom to have their own feelings and thoughts. As parents set limits, children learn their beliefs, ideas and own limits. “The greatest task is to understand the child, to hold and behold our children. Hart explains the following method to really see into your child: “For a moment, look at a child, whether in your mind or face to face… Through the eye of your heart, stare in the absorbed way that children often stare. Let yourself fall into this child with openness, curiosity, and simple appreciation. The goal is to see and feel him or her without judgment and just pure recognition. You have reached into the heart of the child in the only way possible-through your own heart. You begin to feel the spirit of that child, to see him or her as a perfect, radiant, and mysterious being.”
It is important to give children quiet time to become introspective and be creative. This helps them to get away from the chattering mind. Another way is to break the mind’s routine, by activities such as to doodle, hop, run, change body posture, walk in a silly way, think out loud, hum, sing, take a bath or switch the color of the pen he or she is using. Also do things such as witnessing great beauty, encountering the unexpected, being in nature, taking a vacation, and being playful. All these things can break the automatic thought process and free the mind from the usual routine of thinking in order to help open into the present moment, where wisdom lives.
Allow children space to fail. Don’t rescue them from the pain of the lesson. Grounding activities such as exercise, massage, drinking water, eating, deep breaths, big hugs, letting out a loud moan, singing and being outside helps children to fully inhabit their bodies. Show children how to listen to their hearts by paying attention to their feelings about something. Listening with the heart turns the focus outward toward others in order to understand, appreciate, and to love. Hart says in his book, The Secret Spiritual World Of Children (2003), “At any moment children can listen with their heart by simply being quiet for a few moments, taking a deep breath, and gently bringing awareness to the area of the chest. Invite them to call forth something they appreciate (a favorite moment, a friend or a feeling of joy). From this place, their attention can then turn to whatever is before them, perhaps a conflict. Children can create a space by imaging a bubble around them that can change from clear to opaque and porous to solid, depending on how much or how little they want to allow in and how much they want to project out. The added benefit is that the child inside us is drawn out to play with the child beside us.
Adults can help children to distinguish between their ego desires and their higher self or between a warning of the universe or a fear of the subconscious. Framing questions such as: Which choice is better? Is this person trustworthy? Which choice seems to have more light or flows better? When you trust your child’s inner sense, you help them to trust and listen to their own intuition.
We are called to be present and mindful as an intentional spiritual discipline. Mindfulness is to be here and now. Become a non-judgmental witness of thoughts and feelings. In the challenges of parenting there may be times that come when you hear your own parents’ voices rising within and a tendency to withhold love as a message of disapproval. Mindfulness invites us to pause inwardly, take a breath, and perhaps ask ourselves, what’s that about? Is there a better way through this? What’s the real lesson here? Where am I right now? How am I withholding my love to this child and even to myself? How can I be of service to this child? What is the best I have to offer? How can I be gentle and loving with my own inner child?